This story is based on real events. This is written from the perspective of a child living with a parent, diagnosed with a severe mental illness. It is a coming of age story about addiction, mental illness, abuse, healing, family, and forgiveness. It shows the viewpoint of a child getting caught in the chaos, pain, and confusion of mental illness. Writing this was cathartic and painful. It forced me to confront feelings, accept harsh truths, and grieve the reality of the losses experienced. It also helped me to appreciate the gifts that the past provided and helped me to gain deeper compassion for my mother and her illness. I got to know myself and my family very well in reflecting on my life. In the 23 years since I left home, I have confronted my feelings about my mother's schizoaffective diagnosis and accepted the experiences of my unusual childhood. The complexity, shame, loss, anger, and difficulty of living with mental illness is not easy, especially for children. It has taken time and reflection for me to get to a place of freedom. Showing my scars no longer feels frightening. I no longer need to hide my truth. This crazy, painful, tragic, and beautiful life - is a painting with a thousand strokes and varied colors that don't always match perfectly alongside each other. The painting that is my life is both beautiful and ugly, and this is my story.