This is a true story, which consists of a series of unimaginable misery and misfortune: a very rough pregnancy, many sick - admissions, severe depression, the revelation of the manic depressive disorder of the author. This was followed by a huge struggle to build a piece of dignified existence with the question: "Does life have meaning for me?" which often haunted her head. Of course there are also moments of happiness, love, and humor. An incredible story that really happened. Never before has she written a book; but after Blenda Wensveen had to endure so much, "writing off" became a fine outlet for her. She is forty-four, born in The Hague and now lives in the green Rijswijk and mother of a seventeen-year-old son. This book she wrote with heart and soul. Meanwhile, many words have already found their way into the paper because she has begun the second part.