Based on the largest-ever survey of sexual fantasies, and drawing on the author's twenty-five years of clinical practice, this "anatomy of secret desire" does for sexual fantasy what Kinsey did for sexual behavior. However, unlike Kinsey's books, which were almost unreadably dense and data-driven, "Who's Been Sleeping in Your Head?" features narrative accounts of sexual fantasies and the author's own insightful interpretations of how those fantasies affect our lives. Kahr reveals the astonishing truth behind secrecy, shame and taboo, and demonstrates how sex fantasies exert a more powerful influence on our emotions, behavior, and relationships than we ever imagined. Kahr's insights are liberating. He tells us the story of Margaret, who, in mining early sexual abuse for arousing and satisfying sexual fantasies: "succeeded brilliantly in turning a childhood trauma into an adult triumph." He explains how he helped a young man who couldn't get turned on by his beautiful girlfriend but only by dominatrix-themed porn, and how numerous men and women used fantasy to become more intimate with their partners-or to be unfaithful or even cruel to them instead. Ultimately, by unmasking the myths and destroying the guilt and ignorance surrounding sexual fantasy, Kahr offers readers a chance to lead richer and less conflicted lives.
Review
British psychoanalyst Kahr (Senior Clinical Research Fellow in Psychotherapy & Mental Health, Ctr. for Child Mental Health, London) has written the most engrossing study of human sexuality since the Kinsey and Hite reports. To investigate the role of sexual fantasies in the lives of people not afflicted with mental illness, he surveyed 22,000 British and American citizens. The resulting book is a fascinating collection of personal narratives, along with the author's analysis of fantasy in everyday life. Kahr examines the function of fantasy from a psychological perspective, exploring the relationship between individual fantasies and experiences. He concludes that there are 14 functions of sexual fantasy, including wish fulfillment, self-comfort, and self-medication. Like Michael J. Bader's Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasiesand Iris and Steven Finz's Unspoken Desires, this book is highly recommended for large public and academic library collections. Library Journal
