An unscrupulous 27-year-old excluded heir seeks to overcome DNA evidence and prove that he's entitled to a $5million dollar fortune from his grandfather's will. Having completed one semester in a high-school-level college and 'earning' a C-average only through bribery and extortion, Kurt Stafford, is hoping to pay his double-crossing lawyer to fight the will (which gives the money to his cousin), from law fees obtained from unsuspecting, screwball clients by practising criminal law from a picnic bench. Having only a week to get $10,000 for his lawyer to start the will challenge, Kurt's parents discovered their $50,000 loss from checks Kurt forged and unauthorised ATM withdrawals he made. Threatening him with Leavenworth if he doesn't pay them back in a week or they'll file a complaint with the bank who will repay them the stolen money but have Kurt imprisoned for it, Kurt is desperate to get money to repay his parents. Having just beaten a statutory rape case in which he was righteously framed by a bitter, rejected college girl, Kurt is the victim again of another blackmailing college girl. This time the blackmailer, who was secretly videotaped having sex with Kurt and later stole the tape from him, discovered on another part of the tape, a sexual encounter with Kurt and a girl who looked underage and might have even been drugged. Kurt teams up with some of his slimy clients, using them and their criminal talents to alter facts, falsify evidence, suborn perjury, and otherwise help him in his pursuit of the money. However, even if Kurt wins the wills case, he has made so many outrageous deals with nutty characters along the way for assistance in exchange for a percentage of the money, it may be doubtful that he'd ever realise any money from the case anyway. Written in the first person with sarcasm and hyperbole, and with bawdy language at times, this is a hilarious satire of a modern-day, ruthless Holden Caulfield, whose motto is: second place is for the first loser.