Penguins. One of the biggest beneficiaries of the Cute Industrial Complex, these waddling piles of adorable blubber have had a free ride for too long. F U, Penguin is about telling these brazen cute-mongers that they can't stay on top forever. They may think they have the world in the palm of their wing, but we can and will resist their powers.
In recent years, people of all walks of life have been forced to confront animal cuteness wherever they go: in blockbuster films, on computer desktops and, as pets everywhere have become more and more emboldened, in their own homes. F U, Penguin is a cry for sanity in these mad times, when cute animals are no longer relegated to the seedy cultural belly of inspirational posters. But this campaign is not just about penguins, it's about every animal that thinks we don't know what they're trying to do to us. If we don't do something about this epidemic right now, we could be tossing yarn with big-eyed kittens and bottle nursing baby pandas forever. And, really, can you think of anything more terrifying than that? Okay, so maybe cute animals aren't that bad. But sometimes they seem that way, don't they? The book will be a simple translation of the blog, with lots of new material, including a full section on penguins. Loaded with black and white photographs, colour illustrations and hilarious commentary, this book will have you laughing out loud. It will also be packaged with the utmost style and attention to detail, making it the perfect gift this Christmas. It's hard to describe what's so funny about a verbal assault on impossibly cute animals, but something is! You can find the blog at www.fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com.
"Finally, a book for the rest of us! Most animals go about our business without playing to the audience like the elitists exposed in these chapters.I wasn't sure how many more times I could hear about those great penguins and pandas and kittens before I started eating people... well, more people, anyway."--Jerry the Shark
"Penguins killed my parents, and they would not hesitate to kill me. I thank the Crustacean God for Matthew Gasteier, a true saint and a decent human being in a world filled with heartless penguin accomplices."--Dennis the Krill
"It's all true. We're the worst."--Anonymous Penguin
"The average dolphin is far beyond this level of vulgarity, but I could see how this would be a very enjoyable book for humans. I should remember to hand these out to some of my slower relatives at the common ancestor reunion."--Edward the Dolphin
"Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, this style of book is not something we are currently looking for. However, we wish you the best of luck with your human publishers!"--Danielle the Bear, Editor-in-Chief, Random Cave Publishing
