There are law books about constructive trusts, the Perpetuities and Accumulations Act 1964 and the rule in Foss v Harbottle. This is not one of them. David Pannick QC has always been much more interested in unpersuasive advocates and injudicious judges. In this collection of his fortnightly columns from The Times, David Pannick passes judgement on advocates who tell judges that their closing submissions to the jury will not take long because 'I would like to move my car before 5 o'clock; and he sentences judges who claim to have invisible dwarf friends sitting with them on the Bench, who order the parties to 'stay loose - as a goose', and who signal their rejection of an advocate's argument by flushing a miniature toilet on the bench. In making his submissions, David Pannick QC will entertain and inform you about judges, lawyers, legal entertainment and unusual litigation.